Author: create4mh

Not been the best year so far … Few weeks ago I got a diagnosis that no one wants to hear … Cancer … well more precisely Leukemia, think leukemia sounds nicer than cancer so I’m sticking with it.

Don’t really know much about leukemia , and that’s fine by me … googled it a few times to check spelling but that’s it. Its not that i didnt wanna face upto it … more that i didnt wanna scare myself away.

This journey started with feeling tired all the time … one blood test later I found myself in A&E wih a consultant telling me i might have leukemia.

I kinda froze … my two brothers were there with me … So lucky to have support around me.

Decided there and then that i need to take this at my own pace, one step at a time.

Worry about what i need to do today … not next week. Trying my very best to look at the smallest positives, knowing i have people around me as and when i need that extra help.

Now, later … never
i have been told so much stuff by consultants Drs and nursing staff … Can get really overwhelming, But most of it sort of fits into three categories … now or later or never.

A now thing … Then i’m on it. Ticking them off one by one. asking for help when i dont understand or get freaked out by it, but usually it’s pretty easy going.

A Later thing …. Fine thanks for the info … let’s park that and i’ll work it out when i need too. it’s not a now thing so it waits until its a now thing. Stuff like end of the week we will give you a scan … Great but ill worry about that nearer the time. i wanna get through today and be happy with my progress.

A Never thing … the never stuff is the deep dive bit the masses of info and detail ive been told that I just dont need to know, Stuff like good and bad DNA after chemo or what exactly the chemo is doing at every stage of the process … for me … i just dont need to know that. too much info too overwhelming.

Im’ sure when it’s all over and im recovering from all this it will make fascinating reading … but right now i need one step at a time.
Things change and move ans somethings that were a proirity arent anymore, and vise versa.

Drs worry about my condition
Letting doctors worry about the leukemia … its what they are there for … there job is to get me better … so im just gonna let that happen.

I’ll worry about me
My job is to keep me in check. keep on top of the now things, doing all the things they tell me to do. Keep positive, occupied and smiling. Trying to give myself the best chance of beating this.

Asking for help
Ive got two brothers who dont live that near … but its been really amazing how much that have wanted to help. Im not good at asking for help … not sure most of us are if i’m honest.
As soon as people began to find out i has in hospital people have been so generous with offers to help.

NHS
what can i say …. from start to finish amazing. Even during the 5 day junior doctors strike (which i fully supported) they did not miss a beat. everyone is so kind and understanding, which is so important as a patient. From the cleaning crew to the drs … cant thank you all enough.

Bring a friend/family
Taking someone with me to appointments has been a game changer for me … asking questions ive forgotten about, chatting about steps over a coffee after, A shoulder to cry on after the appontment … or during is really option to have.

Macmillan
They have been amazing … well i say that i dont even know to be honest.

My brothers wife contacted them and has been taking to them on my behalf … finding out what financial support is available for me … now im in hospital for the duration. Even filling out the forms for me while im concentrating on getting better. last thing i need is the stress of that,

Isnt that amazing …. just a phone call and its something i dont have to worry about. big relief for me. The offer of counseling has been there from day one … which i am sure i will look into but at the moment im doing ok. Even managed to sorted a postal vote for the general election.

Divide and Concor
Getting through this is a team effort ….

For most people mother’s day is a last minute dash to get flowers before sunday lunch with mum. For people like me it’s a day that is filled with sadness and loss … mix in a splash of anger and that’s pretty much my day.

I hope you are the first one, If so give your mum a big hug from me … and take her out for lunch somewhere nice.

If you are the later … i am deeply sorry for your loss … It’s tough … really tough. Especially the endless adverts … stupid moonpig advert.

Short film about mothers’ day … hope you enjoy it. Apologies if adverts appear … that’s nothing to do with us, thats a youtube thing

I hope you will join me in celebrating … celebrate the good times, the time you had together, Catch up with family and friends …. tell stories … things that you miss.

I know it’s tough, but i hope you have the day your mum would want you to have.

And it goes without saying there is help available … no matter how long its been
Click here for more info

Christmas time … eek right? Tough time for many of us, missing mates, missing family, feeling a bit useless. Talking helps loads … cos i know i’m not the only one who struggles at Christmas. Sharing how you feel with a mate really does help, You need to find the right mate of course cos some people just don’t get it.

Made this film because we wanted people to reach out to one another … cos not everyone loves christmas … There is a loads of us who find it all a bit much, the stress and anxiety
Im sure we all have mates who struggle this time of year … i know i pretend it’s all fine and great but deep down i wanna hide away.

I guess this film is aimed at the people who love christmas …. encourage them to spare a thought for those people like me who don’t love christmas. Cos im sure like you we all need to feel wanted sometimes. all want to know that we aren’t alone even though it feels that way,

Share the feels … message a mate if you are finding it hard to cope or maybe you have a mate whos not engaging much at the moment, message them, see how they are doing.

Wishing you all a better christmas this year

My name is Jo and I became a mental health ambassador as a result of lived experience of suicidal crisis.

I am particularly interested in “masking” mental health struggle.  Masking can happen when people feel they need to hide their authentic self and how they really feel, in other words, they are putting on a mask, playing a part that in no way reflects how they real feel.

A mental health survivor told me recently that masking can feel like “screaming in a sleeping bag” and that the resulting exhaustion can in itself be overwhelming.

I wrote the poem This and Every Day for a conference on World Suicide Prevention Day.  I wanted to honour the experience of people living with life threatening mental illnesses as well as those who have been lost to suicide. 

I am passionate about multimedia poetry but don’t have the skills to produce it. But @create4mh do so we collaborated as volunteers to make a short film with the poem as a voiceover. 

This and Every Day contains themes of suicide so viewer discretion is advised.  If you need support in response to this short film, or at any other time please visit

If you are in SW London this is a great resource if you need extra help Link

We all have those days … trying hard but getting nowhere…
I have that all the time, but i try and remind myself of the things i have done today. No matter how big or small

Remembering the stessy email i had to send, made the bed and did last nights washing up.
Little things that are easily forgotten … but they all take energy and they are all important. Getting up can be a nightmare … especially if last nights washing up is there waiting for you. Taking a shower when you can’t really be arsed. cos it’s not like i’m gonna leave the house today right, but i still do it. instantly feel better … Think it’s a me thing … i do like a good hot shower.

Not really done those affirmation lists … but what i do is remind myself every evening what i’ve achieved today … feeling proud that i did achieve something, even it’s just the hoovering.

I do tell myself most nights tomorrow will be better, i will achieve more which is more about building on what i did today rather than a pressure thing. I did well today, i will do well tomorrow.

Building confidence is always tough, but there are a few things that can help. feel like a little boost? why not have a pampering day, treat yourself to a few beauty products. We have found some great value products that actually work and are affordable.

Must stress this is not sponsored or anything, just stuff we have tried that feels good to use. Release some endorphins and take a shopping trip. Most products here are around a quid. The more expensive ones last for months so it sort of works out really.

Points Card

I’m kinda new to points cards … but gotta be honest it’s a bit of a no brainer … Instant savings and points for free.

Face Scrub

Must be honest … have bought way more expensive face scrubs in my time … and some cheap ones that don’t seem to do much. But if you want a scrub that feels like it really is exfoliating then this is the one. Click here for details

Tinted moisturiser

The tricky one … so its about 5 quid … mad i know … dont know if Primark do a cheaper one … got a bit intimidated when i went to look. But this does work wonders, i would suggest use it for special occasions … nights out, parties that kinda thing. Bought my one (yup i use it) about 3 months ago … and it still going strong. This is defo for all sexes … covers up all those things that can make me nervous and feel a bit shit about myself. Shop around for the best offer on this …. prices seem to change daily

Face Mask

Tried it … felt great … cost a quid … can get 3 uses out of a packet. not sure what else to say. Great to use when you want a boost … also makes you stop for 10 mins and relax. enjoy a feet up moment with the mask on. Link here

Conditioner

Lidl and Aldi come great on this … both make aussie style shampoo and conditioner … feels exactly like the ‘real’ version but a fraction of the price. If you are into aussie hair care … this is an absolute win. Worth trying their other products too. Link here

Multi vitamin

Again both Aldi and Lidl make this a cheap but effective win, the Lidl on is a bit more sharp but they come in a bunch of flavours and do mostly the same thing i think. Turns your pee a weird colour so it must be working. Link here

Face wipes

Love a good face wipe … before bed and befor moisturising … after work when you feel tired. or just cos you want a clean fresh face. it’s all good with this … loads of amazing reviews on this one in particular. Link here

Mint and Tea Tree

I hate mornings … this does have that wake me up thing going on. Tingly and refreshing. and the price is hard to beat … even when the ‘real’ one is on offer, if you know what i mean. Aldi and Lidl make one and i honestly could not tell the difference.

Hand cream

Im sure im not alone when i say i forget about my hands most days … that sounds so weird but you know what i mean. To buy a product thats cheap smells nice and sits on my shelf reminding me to use it is great. Link here

Moisturiser

This stuff is awesome … well both Aldi and Lidl versions are to be honest. I use it every day … lasts ages … looks posh, feels good and the price is amazing. Link here

Ever have those days where everything seems to go wrong? feeling like its a conspiracy against you? Trust me you aint the only one, pretty regular here i must admit.

Taking a break is the way forward … even if you are stressing over a deadline and feel you can’t manage. Getting away from it gives you a chance to get a bit more focused … taking a walk is a great first step.

Message a mate … cos we all have those days and to have a bit of a rant is good for the soul.

Its weird … so when randomly we get that good mood day … and something bad happens … we laugh it off … mutter FFS and a smile. So try and keep that in mind when things are going a bit wrong. try and remember that you dealt with this shit yesterday and it was fine.

And … well i didn’t break my Mum’s vase … there are things we sacrifice for art … but that aint one of them. And yes i did glue it back together again, it sits proudly next to my TV, as a reminder that most things can be fixed.

Tough thing to do … i know but we have been getting advice from experts to work out how we can start to feel a bit more confident

Short film about posture

Love that track … So what do we do first ?

Stand up straight
Sounds sort of easy … and it is when you are in a fab mood. But when you’re feeling a bit down and things aren’t going great … it’s tricky. But it’s worth persevering cos it helps you feel instantly better … better breathing too.

Legs apart
Superhero stance. don’t go too gymnastics on this bit … be more superman less Clark Kent and i don’t mean take off your glasses.

Head up
Also good for breathing … it’s easy to stare at the floor somedays … try looking above people’s heads … some people call it looking at chimneys … not that there are any chimneys round are way but still.

Chest out
This is my favourite … cos everytime i remember to do it … i instantly feel more confident.
Combined with a big deep breath … works wonders.

Close your eyes
This is about being centred (stupid phrase i know) Taking a pause and remembering who you are and that you are great. think of all those things you are good at.

Take the world by storm
You can do it, save the video so you can remind yourself of the simple rules … so go kick some ass.