Not been the best year so far … Few weeks ago I got a diagnosis that no one wants to hear … Cancer … well more precisely Leukemia, think leukemia sounds nicer than cancer so I’m sticking with it.
Don’t really know much about leukemia , and that’s fine by me … googled it a few times to check spelling but that’s it. Its not that i didnt wanna face upto it … more that i didnt wanna scare myself away.
This journey started with feeling tired all the time … one blood test later I found myself in A&E wih a consultant telling me i might have leukemia.
I kinda froze … my two brothers were there with me … So lucky to have support around me.
Decided there and then that i need to take this at my own pace, one step at a time.
Worry about what i need to do today … not next week. Trying my very best to look at the smallest positives, knowing i have people around me as and when i need that extra help.
Now, later … never
i have been told so much stuff by consultants Drs and nursing staff … Can get really overwhelming, But most of it sort of fits into three categories … now or later or never.
A now thing … Then i’m on it. Ticking them off one by one. asking for help when i dont understand or get freaked out by it, but usually it’s pretty easy going.
A Later thing …. Fine thanks for the info … let’s park that and i’ll work it out when i need too. it’s not a now thing so it waits until its a now thing. Stuff like end of the week we will give you a scan … Great but ill worry about that nearer the time. i wanna get through today and be happy with my progress.
A Never thing … the never stuff is the deep dive bit the masses of info and detail ive been told that I just dont need to know, Stuff like good and bad DNA after chemo or what exactly the chemo is doing at every stage of the process … for me … i just dont need to know that. too much info too overwhelming.
Im’ sure when it’s all over and im recovering from all this it will make fascinating reading … but right now i need one step at a time.
Things change and move ans somethings that were a proirity arent anymore, and vise versa.
Drs worry about my condition
Letting doctors worry about the leukemia … its what they are there for … there job is to get me better … so im just gonna let that happen.
I’ll worry about me
My job is to keep me in check. keep on top of the now things, doing all the things they tell me to do. Keep positive, occupied and smiling. Trying to give myself the best chance of beating this.
Asking for help
Ive got two brothers who dont live that near … but its been really amazing how much that have wanted to help. Im not good at asking for help … not sure most of us are if i’m honest.
As soon as people began to find out i has in hospital people have been so generous with offers to help.
NHS
what can i say …. from start to finish amazing. Even during the 5 day junior doctors strike (which i fully supported) they did not miss a beat. everyone is so kind and understanding, which is so important as a patient. From the cleaning crew to the drs … cant thank you all enough.
Bring a friend/family
Taking someone with me to appointments has been a game changer for me … asking questions ive forgotten about, chatting about steps over a coffee after, A shoulder to cry on after the appontment … or during is really option to have.
Macmillan
They have been amazing … well i say that i dont even know to be honest.
My brothers wife contacted them and has been taking to them on my behalf … finding out what financial support is available for me … now im in hospital for the duration. Even filling out the forms for me while im concentrating on getting better. last thing i need is the stress of that,
Isnt that amazing …. just a phone call and its something i dont have to worry about. big relief for me. The offer of counseling has been there from day one … which i am sure i will look into but at the moment im doing ok. Even managed to sorted a postal vote for the general election.
Divide and Concor
Getting through this is a team effort ….